Embodied Self-Care & Why It Matters
Tell me the first thing you think of when I say “self-care.”
What comes to my mind is some kind of thing that we do to ourselves and it often involves a “life changing” product we’ve seen on Insta or Tiktok.
Products we’re being told will help us feel good, look younger, solve all our problems…expensive LED Face masks, designer bags, a 10 step skincare regime, fillers & botox, fluffy bathrobes, bubble baths, fancy retreats…this is the self care we’re all being sold.
And yes, these things can be nice, but if they’re your only form of self care, they’re not enough and I’m going to explain why.
What We Think Self-Care Is vs. What It Really Looks Like
The world sells us curated versions of self care: bubble baths, retreats, jade rollers. These can be delicious (I love lush things - I’m a Taurus after all), but it’s superficial self care, the kind you can have to buy.
True self care is raw, reverent, alive and only reachable within yourself. It’s not something you go out and purchase. It lives in the way you hold your own hand and heart during a period of grief. In the breath you take before responding. In your ability to speak “no” even if your voice shakes. And ultimately, in your connection to your self.
“Self-care is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” — Audre Lorde
Embodied self-care means asking, moment to moment: What is needed now? How can I truly care for myself? Is this what I actually want?
The Systemic Layers: Why Self-Care Can Feel So Hard
The problem is, we’ve been taught that true self care is selfish, inconvenient or even lazy (how many of us can rest without feeling shame or guilt?) That softness is a weakness. That pleasure (and love) must be earned. Capitalism keeps you chasing and patriarchy keeps you pleasing.
“Caring for myself is not an act of self-indulgence, it is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde
To reclaim true self care is to claim your own power. To rest, to resist. To honour your needs and at times, even to rebel.
It doesn’t matter how many self care rituals you have, if you’re unable to honour your authentic “YES” and “NO”, none of it matters.
If you cannot tend to your own wounded heart with loving kindness and self compassion or ask others for help, none of the beauty products, nail appointments, expensive clothes, handbags or beauty treatments matter. Period.
If your current experience of self care is what you’ve been sold on instagram, that’s completely normal. This is how we’ve been trained to be, by our families and society. To consume instead of connect in. To remain the good girl, compliant, easy, hardworking, bone deep tired…some of us so full of filler our faces are paralysed in a perpetual state of freeze (often mimicking our nervous systems).
It’s fucked and it’s not your fault. Billions of dollars have been spent to make you think, feel and act in certain ways, to outsource your power, to disconnect you from your inner knowing and innate wisdom so that you remain the perfect consumer.
So if you’re reading this and feeling a little (or VERY) angry, that is OK. Feel it. Be with it. Anger is a secondary emotion that is here to give you information (about what you’re really feeling deeper down) and to invite in change.
Ask yourself: where in your life are you letting your power, voice, or freedom leak? And where can you invite in true self care?
Rethinking Success: Beyond Productivity & Performance
What if the measure of success wasn’t output, but inner peace? Instead of a finished to-do list, it was a nourished nervous system. Less emphasis on how others see you, and more attunement to how you feel inside your own life.
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” — Maya Angelou
When it comes to embodying self care, it’s important to start simple. What does success mean to you?
Let’s base if off Maya Angelou’s definition:
Do I like myself?
Do I like what I do?
Do I like how I’m doing it?
Taking some time to answer these questions can be a great starting point to see how you feel about yourself and your life. It’s like an audit that helps you identify where you’re honouring your needs (or overriding them), whether you’re living authentically (or hiding behind people pleasing/other people’s expectations for you), and your satisfaction (or dissatisfaction with your life).
This is important to do because each answer will reveal where to focus your attention. Spoiler alert: you can't improve it with the latest TikTok viral trend, it can’t be outsourced to others, it requires you to honestly meet yourself where you’re at. To truly care for yourself where it matters most through self connection.
Embodied Self-Care in Practice
Embodied self-care is relational, starting with yourself. It’s noticing when your shoulders have crept up to your ears and gently letting them drop. It’s catching the sharp tone of your own inner voice (inner critic) and softening it (practising self compassion). It’s pausing mid-scroll when your body starts to feel tight, comparison rising in your chest, and choosing to put the phone down.
It is less about adding more and more about interrupting the override, the noise, the busyness. Asking yourself where can I remove something from my to do list? Is this event/invitation a Fuck Yes! Or am I just going to be nice or because it’s expected of me? True self case is giving yourself the permission to drop deeper into yourself and finally listen.
Embodied self-care asks: What is my nervous system doing right now?
Am I in fight? Flight? Freeze? Fawn?
Am I pushing because I’m inspired, or because I’m afraid?
Sometimes self-care is a bath.
Sometimes it is cancelling the bath because you are too tired and need sleep.
Sometimes it is journaling.
Sometimes it is closing the journal because you are analysing instead of feeling or just being with what is.
It is a practice of radical self honesty. And honesty can be inconvenient.
Embodied Self Can Be:
Leaving an event earlier.
Eating before everyone else is served.
Saying no to the invitation.
Admitting you are not okay.
Asking for help.
For women who have lived in a constant state of people pleasing (fawning), self-care can feel truly destabilising at first. Your body may interpret boundaries as danger. You may feel guilt rise when you rest. You may feel anxiety when you choose yourself. It takes time to recalibrate your nervous system.
Embodied self-care is a all about becoming safer in your own body.
And safety is built through repetition.
Through small, consistent acts of self-loyalty, self listening and self intimacy (knowing yourself, truly). For further reading, check out my article on 6 Simple Daily Somatic Practices to Reconnect with Your Body: Nervous System Healing with an Online Intimacy Coach
Ways Practice Embodied Self Care:
Movement. Start a daily practice of connecting in with your body. Put on some music, ideally without lyrics and just be with any emotions or sensations that may be present or arise. You’re not here to get rid of them or anaylse them, you’re just here to be with whatever is alive for you in the moment. This practice is inspired by Michaela Boehm’s Non Linear Movement. Try and let go of it having to look a certain way and just allow your body to move to the music. Even five minutes can enough to start or end your day with self connection. Here’s one of my favourite playlists
Delay reaching for your phone in the morning. Notice what your body feels like before the world tells you who to be or reminds you of what you need to do. It sounds simple, but it’s a powerful practice. Can you meet the sun first? Have a cup of tea? A cuddle?
Turn off notifications. Light a candle. Exhale like you mean it.
Sit in the sun like a sunflower. Do nothing. Receive.
Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly when you feel overwhelmed. Stay there until your breath slows.
Eat when you are hungry. Rest when you are tired. Allow yourself to cry. I know this sounds simple, but when was the last time you allowed yourself to do these things? When we connect in, we feel more (the good and the bad - it’s not actually bad but it can be painful) and we need to allow time to be with what is so that we can move through it. It takes time, allowing what is can be super radical. Yes at times it can feel inconvenient and it can be tempting to numb and override, but if we can just stay in the discomfort, be with what is, learn to understand our needs and respond to them, this practice is ultimately life changing.
Ask yourself throughout the day:
What do I need right now?
What would make me more here (more present in my own life)?
And over time, these micro-moments of attunement rebuild trust, safety and self worth.
You begin to realise you are not someone who must be managed, optimised, or fixed.
You are someone who is worthy, simply because you exit. And from a place of worthiness, you may find you start to rest more and override less.
Self Inquiry Questions
What beliefs about rest and care have I inherited?
What does true success feel like in my body?
How might I show up for myself more fully, more gently, more truthfully?
For the Woman Ready to Come Home to Her Body, Reclaim Her Eros & Befriend Her Soul
If you feel the pull to reconnect with your body, soften into your femininity, and experience the kind of healing that comes from being deeply witnessed, I invite you to join The Wonderfully Wilde Women’s Collective, a monthly online gathering opening in 2026.
If you’d like to explore deeper one-on-one support, you can learn more about Online Sex Coaching for Women here.
And if you want embodiment practices, rituals, meditations, and stories of feminine reclamation, you can explore the full Sabina Wilde Blog here.
With wilde tenderness,
Sabina Wilde xx
