Reclaiming Self-Worth & Embodied Boundaries: A Woman’s Guide to Speaking Her Truth with an Intimacy Coach
How often do you silence yourself to keep the peace?
How often do you soften your edges to be liked, loved, or perceived as less intense, more feminine - nicer?
For most women, this pattern begins long before adulthood. It begins in childhood. In classrooms. In churches. Through media. In family systems where being agreeable was rewarded and being truthful, disobedient or questioning was disruptive.
I can trace this moment in my own life very clearly.
There was once a version of me who spoke freely. A young girl who led wild initiations through the bush, fearlessly. A girl who trusted her instincts without second guessing them.
But as I grew older, that instinctive voice was shut down.
Religion, gender conditioning, and relational dynamics slowly taught me that my truth was dangerous. That my needs were inconvenient. That my boundaries were something to apologise for.
So I learnt to contort.
Into a good girl.
A digestible woman.
A partner who did not ask for too much.
Many women arrive in my work as an online intimacy coach standing at this exact threshold.
The moment they realise they have been abandoning themselves for far too long to belong, to be loved, to fit in.
What Self-Worth Actually Feels Like in the Body
Self-worth is often misunderstood.
It is not confidence.
It is not perfection.
It is not something we can perform.
Is it is never earnt.
It is the quiet knowing that says: I am worthy because I exist.
No achievement required. No validation needed.
When self-worth lives in the body, it becomes visible in subtle, but powerful ways.
A spine that does not collapse when challenged.
A voice that can express a need.
A presence that says I belong here.
For many women, this embodiment of worth feels foreign at first and even scary.
Because their nervous systems have been shaped in environments where worth was conditional.
Conditional being the good girl.
On beauty.
On obedience.
On productivity.
On purity.
Rebuilding self-worth, therefore, is not just cognitive work, it is a form of nervous system work.
As an online women’s intimacy coach and sex coach, I see how deeply self-worth and body safety are intertwined. You cannot anchor worth in a body that feels unsafe to inhabit.
Why Self-Worth Is So Difficult for Women to Claim
We were not born questioning our worthiness. We made a lot of noise to make sure our needs were met. Our survival depended on it.
But somewhere along the line, it changed, and love became conditional and our worthiness something to be earnt.
Capitalism thrives on your insecurity.
Patriarchy feeds on your silence.
Trauma disconnects you from the inner signals that say I am enough!
When you grow up in systems where love is conditional, you learn to perform in order to belong.
This is where trauma physiology enters the conversation.
If speaking your truth once led to punishment, withdrawal, or emotional abandonment, your nervous system remembers and at all times seeks to keep you safe.
It learnt that safety comes through compliance.
So even as an adult, your body may contract when setting boundaries. Your voice may shake. Your heart may race. You may find yourself always agreeing to things even though there is a very loud “no” going on in your head. And it makes sense, when you were a child, you couldn’t say no safely. Unfortunately, we don’t just grow out of this, it’s so deeply imprinted that we have to learn that there is a deeply ingrained pattern playing out and we have to heal our “yes” and “no” so it feels safe in our bodies to say so.
Healing self-worth is about retraining the nervous system to understand that your truth is now safe to express.
Self-Worth and Intimacy: Why You Cannot Separate Them
Your sense of worth directly shapes your relational patterns.
When you feel unworthy, you’re way more likely to perform in intimacy.
You over-give.
You tolerate misalignment.
You mistake attention for affection.
You override your boundaries.
You don’t ask for what you want or need.
I lived this personally.
There were relationships where I believed I had to earn love by being easy. By being sexually available. By being emotionally accommodating beyond my capacity. By not saying what I liked or desired…
I see this pattern often in women seeking online intimacy coaching.
They want deeper intimacy, yet they have never felt safe enough to express their true needs and desires.
When worth anchors in the body, intimacy transforms.
You’re able to start receiving without guilt.
You begin to ask without shame.
You can make choices from a place of desire instead of fear.
When you know your worth, intimacy becomes an exchange, not a transaction.
Embodied Boundaries: Listening When Your Body Speaks
Boundaries are not just mental constructs, they are powerful somatic signals.
Before your mind forms words, your body has already spoken.
A yes may feel expansive. Warm. Open. Grounded.
A no may feels tight. Contracted. Uneasy. Draining. Sick feelings in your belly (you know what I’m talking about here).
But many women have been trained to override these signals.
I remember moments where my body screamed no while my mouth said yes.
Moments where I agreed to intimacy, conversations, or commitments that left me feeling hollow, used and drained afterwards.
This is self-abandonment.
And it often begins in childhood when emotional attunement is absent.
In trauma-informed intimacy coaching, we begin by restoring body literacy.
Learning to recognise:
Where does your “yes” live in your body?
Where does your “no” live?
What happens in your breath when something feels unsafe?
We practice your authentic YES and N0 until it becomes natural, until you can respond in real time and stop overriding yourself.
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” — Prentis Hemphill
Self-Advocacy: Learning to Love Yourself Out Loud
Self-advocacy is often misunderstood as confrontation.
But at its core, it is devotion.
It is the act of loving yourself enough to honour your needs without apology.
For women conditioned into silence, this can feel terrifying at first (I know this big time!)
Advocating for myself has often left my palms sweaty and my heart racing.
Just last year I was out for brunch with my husband and his parents and his mum asked me if I could remind my husband to call her more often. Now, I’d already been doing that for 5 years, along with organising gifts for birthdays and Christmas’, cards, suggesting catch ups and it still wasn’t enough - she wanted me to manage her son’s connection with her.
Make it my responsibility that he calls her. Instead of responding immediately with a forced “yes” I paused and said, “I’m sorry, but that’s not my job to manage your son’s relationship with you.” And you know what? She looked at me like “omg you’re right- it’s his job!” I couldn’t believe I’d said no to her and I was so proud of how calmly I’d said it. I didn’t make any excuses, no over explaining. I just said no, it’s not my job. Now, I’m not always this good at saying no, but I am getting better. And after each time, I put my foot down and honour my needs, I feel so so good.
Like anything, self-advocacy is a muscle and it strengthens with practice.
How to Practise Boundaries and Self-Advocacy Daily
Inside my online intimacy coaching work, we practise advocacy through small, embodied steps.
We often begin with low-stakes asks/actions.
The better seat at the table. Actually saying what you’d like when someone asks you.
Breathing before speaking.
Say “I need” instead of “I’m sorry but…”
Buying yourself time before you give an answer “let me get back to you…”
Every time you choose truth over people pleasing, you rewire your nervous system toward sovereignty and safety.
Working with an Intimacy Coach to Build Self-Worth & Boundaries
Many women can intellectually understand boundaries but struggle to embody them.
This is where intimacy coaching becomes powerful.
As an online sex coach and women’s intimacy coach, my work focuses on helping women:
Reconnect to body signals
Heal shame around desire
Practise boundary setting in safe spaces
Rebuild relational sovereignty
Restore trust in their own voice
You Were Always Worthy: Returning to Your Birthright
This path is about releasing the versions of you shaped by fear, shame, and conditioning.
It is remembering your worth is your birthright.
Your boundaries are your internal architecture that hold you steady in the world.
When you advocate for yourself, it’s like a love letter to your younger self who felt she had to stay silent in order to stay safe.
And every time you choose your truth, you become a more yourself and that is an AMAZING feeling.
For the Woman Who’s Ready to Come Home to Her Body
If this story stirred something in you…
If you felt the ache of recognition, or the spark of possibility…
If you’re tired of carrying shame that was never yours to begin with…
…I want you to know: you’re not alone.
If you feel the pull to reconnect with your body, soften into your femininity, and experience healing in a space where you are deeply witnessed, I invite you to join The Wonderfully Wilde Women’s Collective, a monthly online circle opening in March 2026.
If you feel called toward deeper, more personalised support, you can explore Online Sex Coaching for Women a gentle, trauma-informed space to unravel shame, rebuild pleasure, and rediscover the woman you were always meant to be.
And if you want embodiment practices, rituals, meditations, and stories of feminine reclamation, you can explore the full Sabina Wilde Blog here.
With wilde tenderness,
Sabina Wilde xx
