What I’m Learning About My Libido for the First Time at 32
Hi Lovely!
I’m Sabina
Soon-to-be Sex Coach, Women’s Circle Facilitator & Poodle Mamma
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The Soft Landing
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For most of my adult life, I’ve had an evening ritual. I’d reach for my Satisfyer Pro.
It was predictable. Automatic. And very comforting.
I never questioned it — not really. I assumed this was just who I was: someone with a strong sexual appetite. A woman in touch with her needs.
But over the past year — through somatic work, slowing down, and beginning my training as an Integrative Sex Coach — I’ve come to see things differently.
And it’s changed everything.
The Moment Things Shifted
I started weaving somatic rituals into my evenings — gentle breathwork, subtle movement, nervous system grounding. Not to "fix" anything. Just to feel more present in my body.
One night, after a short practice, I crawled into bed.
No urge. No buzzing thoughts. No need to reach for my usual tool.
For the first time in years, I fell asleep without that release.
And I woke up feeling… at peace.
That was the moment I realised: maybe my libido wasn’t what I thought it was. Maybe it was never about desire. Maybe it was about relief.
When Stress Masquerades as Desire
Much of what I believed was libido was actually coping. An effort to soothe stress. A nervous system crying out for regulation.
“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.” — Dr. Peter Levine
"Awareness is the first step in healing. When we can name the pattern, we begin to loosen its hold." — Dr. Nicole LePera
I wasn’t reaching for pleasure. I was reaching for escape. And that distinction has changed the way I view myself entirely.
From Escape to Intimacy: What’s Changed for Me
I’m learning to let my body speak.
To listen without rushing.
To notice when I crave release — and gently ask myself: What else might I be needing?
These days, instead of always chasing climax, I’m meeting myself with:
A hand over my heart & womb space
A long exhale
A pause between sensation and story
And you know what? My desire is still there. But now it feels different — rooted. Sacred. Less about urgency, more about intimacy.
"Our capacity for pleasure is directly connected to our ability to feel."
— Michaela Boehm
New Ways I’m Learning to Regulate (Without Relying on Release)
Somatic practices before bed
Journaling to track emotional patterns
Gentle breathwork when I feel the impulse to escape
Creating altars to honour my erotic self — even when she’s quiet
I’m not here to demonise self-pleasure. I love it. But now I meet it from a place of reverence, not reaction.
“I don’t need it every night to fall asleep. And that, for me, feels like quite the miracle.”
This One’s for You
If you’re a high-functioning woman who gives and performs and holds it all together — this is for you.
You might think your erotic self is “doing fine” because you orgasm regularly or because you still “go through the motions.”
But inside, something feels off.
You’re tired. Numb. A little hollow.
You wonder where your desire went — the kind that feels alive and tender and true.
This is the moment you get to ask: is this pleasure, or is this survival?
A Few Questions to Hold
Is this sensation driven by desire — or depletion?
What might my body be asking for, beneath the habit?
How do I want to feel after this experience?
Let these questions be gentle invitations — not judgments.
You don’t have to perform your pleasure.
You get to reclaim it. Slowly. Tenderly. On your terms.
Your Body Is Wise
At 32, I’m learning that my libido isn’t a fixed identity. It’s a messenger.
Sometimes she says, Feed me.
Other times she whispers, Hold me.
And now — finally — I’m learning to listen.
The truth is…
If you’ve ever wondered whether your desire is real, broken, or just burnt out — you’re not alone.
…You’re not broken if sex feels off.
You’re not failing if your desire has gone quiet.
You’re not too much if you want more.
Maybe you’re just tired.
Maybe you’re just holding too much.
Maybe you’ve never actually had a space to ask, what do I want?
If something stirred in your chest as you read this—if your body whispered yes—I’d love to stay connected.
I write letters for women like you.
Women who are tired of pretending, and ready to feel again.
Women who want softness. Slowness. Sensuality.
Women who are brave enough to begin.
Or start with a free journaling prompt: “What does intimacy mean to me right now?”
Until then, remember:
You are not too much.
You are not too late.
And your body is yours to come home to.
With wilde tenderness,
Sabina Wilde
Certified Sex Coach (2026)
